There are so many differences between children and adults, such as adults always make decisions independently, while children often deal with things under the supervision of adults. Although it is a course that a child grows up and become an adult, I believe that many events play a significant role in it. Based on the experience and life style of my own, leaving parents and living alone is the event that turns a child into an adult.
The main reason of the argument I support is that living independently could develop the ability of thinking and doing independently. In family, parents always prepare everything and create a comfortable condition for children. Children at home are almost carefree, and need not worry about cooking, washing, making cleaning, and the only thing they have to care of is study. However, when living in the dormitory of school, they have to begin to study how to deal with house work and how to get on along with others. And it is more important that they have to think independently and make decisions like adults.
Another reason can be seen by everyone is that to live independently a child will have to face many problems which need courage and the capability to cope with. Without the help from parents, children will find there are so many unexpected concrete troubles can not be resolved only by themselves. For example, when a freshmen move into dormitory, he or she have learn to change the light bulb, clean the room, how to get on well with roommates and so on. At this time, making friends and helping each other are very important for them to resolve the troubles.
In addition, the frustration or even the failure in life is very significant in the course of growth. An experience, example, or observation imparts beneficial new knowledge and wisdom. In the same way, a failure brings children lessons and makes their thought and behavior mature and sense.
General speaking, living independently will develop the ability of dealing with things of children, test the courage of coping with difficulties of them, and bring them many lessons. Taking into account of all these factors, we may reach the conclusion that living by own make a child mature and wise, and turn a child into an adult.
The main reason of the argument I support is that living independently could develop the ability of thinking and doing independently. In family, parents always prepare everything and create a comfortable condition for children. Children at home are almost carefree, and need not worry about cooking, washing, making cleaning, and the only thing they have to care of is study. However, when living in the dormitory of school, they have to begin to study how to deal with house work and how to get on along with others. And it is more important that they have to think independently and make decisions like adults.
Another reason can be seen by everyone is that to live independently a child will have to face many problems which need courage and the capability to cope with. Without the help from parents, children will find there are so many unexpected concrete troubles can not be resolved only by themselves. For example, when a freshmen move into dormitory, he or she have learn to change the light bulb, clean the room, how to get on well with roommates and so on. At this time, making friends and helping each other are very important for them to resolve the troubles.
In addition, the frustration or even the failure in life is very significant in the course of growth. An experience, example, or observation imparts beneficial new knowledge and wisdom. In the same way, a failure brings children lessons and makes their thought and behavior mature and sense.
General speaking, living independently will develop the ability of dealing with things of children, test the courage of coping with difficulties of them, and bring them many lessons. Taking into account of all these factors, we may reach the conclusion that living by own make a child mature and wise, and turn a child into an adult.
Hi Yujin :)
ReplyDeleteContent:
Easy to read, with nice and understandable vocabulary. A good topic too !
Structure:
Very well structure. Very clear thesis and the whole text supports that thesis with aguments. Great !
Language : Quite good, I would make some small improvements though (nothing important)
- In the first sentence 'There are so many .... such as ... while' I would rather say :
" There are a lot of differences ...
For instance, adults make ... "
( when I see "so many" I usually expect that it is followed by "that" like in :
'There are so many things here THAT I cant find my watch' )
- "course" - is it the word you where looking for? Maybe 'fact' fits better. In the 4th paragraph you use "course" correctly :)
- Second paragraph :
"and need not worry about cooking" don't know if it is right. what do you think about this ? :
"and dont need to worry about cooking"
- Instead of "care of", 'care about' they are slightly different
- Third:
"Another reason (that ?) can be seen by .." or
"Another reason seen by everyone is ..."
- Fifth and last :
"living by own" ... I feel like something is missing there, but I don't know what (maybe it is correct that way)
Well done ! :D
/Tello
I like the topic of your assignment this week. I think most of us go through this process so it is a subject many can relate to.
ReplyDeleteThe text has a good structure so I don't have any suggestions there. The language is also good, only one or two small mistakes:
Second paragraph: “..and the only thing they have to care of is study” I think you should write “TO study” or “studying”
The first sentence of the third paragraph: “Another reason can be seen by everyone is...” I think it should be “Another reason THAT can be seen by everyone is...”.
Also third paragraph: “...there are so many unexpected concrete troubles can not be resolved...” I think it should be “...there are so many unexpected concrete troubles THAT can not be resolved...”
I enjoyed reading your text and thought it was really good.
Have a nice summer!
/Kristin