Almost every people has own memory from their childhood. Whether the memory is good or not, it could affect their whole life one way or another. As this childhood is very important, grown ups ought to take good care of their children. In my point of view, there are three critical things that are necessary for children. I’d like to introduce these experiences to you as follows.
First of all, children should be close to the nature. When I was younger, my family lived in the country side. I spent most of my childhood in the small town. This old town had beautiful scenery, like breathtaking mountains and valleys. Of course there was no pollution, unlike a big city. Me and my friends were so healthy and had an out going personality. When my family moved to a big city, however, I realized that there were a lot of children who suffered from diseases, like the atopic allergy and had introvert personality not in a good way. As the proverb goes, the sound body has the sound mind. If your children are close to the nature, they would get healthy body and then this healthy body would help your kids to think in healthy ways.
Second of all, grown ups should travel with their children as much as they can. People who never travel and have lived in just one place might have a very narrow sight toward the world. Children must know that there are another world outside which is very different from their own world. People who has broaden mind are more likely to have insight which is very helpful for keeping the harmony with others. Traveling around would help your children learn a lot of things and get out of their own bubbles or eggs. Therefore they could be more mature.
Finally, children should hang out with their friends instead of being alone playing video games. There are so many children addicted to video games and the computer recently. Those kids could overlook how much important their real friends are. In childhood, hanging out with a group of children of their age means a lot to each of them, because it helps them to learn how to socialize. As a human-being, socializing is one of significant things to survive in this world. Not knowing the skills for dealing with social problem, your children could be left behind.
I believe firmly what I wrote above would be very much useful for many parents to raise their children in a proper way. For children, being healthy and extrovert, having a broad view toward the world and learning how to socialize is very essential. And these three things would let your kids have much happier childhood memory, which could influence their whole life.
First of all, children should be close to the nature. When I was younger, my family lived in the country side. I spent most of my childhood in the small town. This old town had beautiful scenery, like breathtaking mountains and valleys. Of course there was no pollution, unlike a big city. Me and my friends were so healthy and had an out going personality. When my family moved to a big city, however, I realized that there were a lot of children who suffered from diseases, like the atopic allergy and had introvert personality not in a good way. As the proverb goes, the sound body has the sound mind. If your children are close to the nature, they would get healthy body and then this healthy body would help your kids to think in healthy ways.
Second of all, grown ups should travel with their children as much as they can. People who never travel and have lived in just one place might have a very narrow sight toward the world. Children must know that there are another world outside which is very different from their own world. People who has broaden mind are more likely to have insight which is very helpful for keeping the harmony with others. Traveling around would help your children learn a lot of things and get out of their own bubbles or eggs. Therefore they could be more mature.
Finally, children should hang out with their friends instead of being alone playing video games. There are so many children addicted to video games and the computer recently. Those kids could overlook how much important their real friends are. In childhood, hanging out with a group of children of their age means a lot to each of them, because it helps them to learn how to socialize. As a human-being, socializing is one of significant things to survive in this world. Not knowing the skills for dealing with social problem, your children could be left behind.
I believe firmly what I wrote above would be very much useful for many parents to raise their children in a proper way. For children, being healthy and extrovert, having a broad view toward the world and learning how to socialize is very essential. And these three things would let your kids have much happier childhood memory, which could influence their whole life.
Anyong, very kyopta blog. Nice starta! Mannin manni Hanguk saram in Philippines nara.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good blog! It is well-written and interesting and a pleasure to read.
ReplyDeleteStructure:
On the downside, you've missed out the blank lines between paragraphs - but I see that you have that under control in the second blog text, which you've already published. On the plus side, the structure is excellent. The introduction and thesis statement are perfect, your paragraphs are unified and coherent, your transitions help the reader along, and the conclusion is excellent.
Language:
Your language is also good - especially your vocabulary, which is rich and accurate. You also use many idiomatic expressions, and there is a lot of variation in sentence structure. However, as always, there are also things to improve and I have selected some examples for you to look at:
-"People" is a plural word, and "every" is singular, so "every people" is wrong. I suggest "Almost everyone has..." (Introduction).
-"Own" cannot stand by itself. It needs to be preceded by a genitive or a possessive pronoun; alternatively, you can put it in an of-construction at the end. I suggest: "their own memory" (Intro).
-The definite article is not used with uncountable nouns in the generic sense, so "close to nature" is correct (in two places, paragraph 2). And "harmony" is correct in paragraph 3 (instead of "the harmony").
-"A small town" is better than "the small town" (paragraph 2). The indefinite article is used when you introduce a new concept in the text (as long as that concept is a singular countable noun).
-"Atopic allergy" without "the" is correct (paragraph 2).
-"First of all" is entirely correct and appropriate (paragraph 2). "Second of all", unfortunately, doesn't work. "Secondly" is better. "Second" also works (paragraph 3).
-"A very narrow sight toward the world" (paragraph 3) is a bit awkward. "A very narrow view of the world" is better.
-Subject-verb agreement can be tricky; "there is another world" is correct (paragraph 3).
-"People who have a broadened mind" is correct (paragraph 3). Remember that "people" is plural!
-Your writing is good enough to allow me to be rather picky, so I am going to comment on something I might not otherwise have remarked on. In paragraph 4, you talk about "video games and the computer", and while this is grammatically correct, it is not idiomatic. It is better to use the same form for both nouns: "video games and computers". This concept is called parallelism, and we may have time to talk about it later on in the course.
-In the conclusion, I suggest: "have much happier childhood memories" or "have a much happier childhood memory".
Keep it up!
/Teacher
I enjoyed reading your blog! It’s very interesting and I agree in many of your arguments, especially when you argue that it’s important that children learn about other parts of the world.
ReplyDeleteI think it’s very hard to make comments about the language and grammar since I’m not an expert myself, but I’ll give it a try.
Language:
I think your language is good, but I would like to point out that it’s important to know the difference between plural and singular words. For example, in the third paragraph you wrote: “People who has broaden mind”. People = plural, so “people have” would be correct.
Structure:
I think that the structure is ok, but it would be much better if you could leave some space/gap between the paragraphs. It would make it much easier to read the text. I really like your last paragraph where you once again point what you think is important for children and what will give them happy childhood memories.
As mentioned above, I think it’s difficult to commentate other blogs, but I hope that it will get easier in a couple of weeks:)
/ Laura
Content: The content was pleasant and interesting. I liked reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteStructure: The structure in this blog is good. It has a nice start, middle part and ending. The end of the text summaries it well and includes your opinion.
Language: It’s good, but with a few mistakes. I’m not that good to so I can point out the errors, It’s probably some of mine even in this text. But you’ve missed some words in some sentences. But it’s it doesn’t bother the reading.
Over all it was interesting, and the three things you suggested, for the child to have while growing up, was really good. I totally agree!
//Lina